This blog is for my single friends who are dating or in a committed relationship. I am rubbing my hands together at the thought of this blog because it has been such a long time since I have done a blog in the “dating” category.
You know…I think young women today make dating much more complicated than it needs to be. They analyze…they worry…they wonder. Is this guy right for me? How will I know when it’s right?
I know the answers to those questions. Oh, yessss I do. I think you are asking the wrong questions and too many of them for that matter. There are three questions to ask and once you can answer “yes” to all three…I think you will have your answer.
Question #1 – Does he believe in God?
Some believers may think I am too liberal on this and maybe I am…but I will speak to this based on real life experience. I don’t believe your guy has to be as mature in faith as you are. I don’t think it is imperative that he has read the Bible or has been active in a church group. But I DO think it is imperative that he is serious about God and desires to grow in faith.
Don’t be teamed with those who do not love the Lord, for what do the people of God have in common with the people of sin? How can light live with darkness? And what harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a Christian be a partner with one who doesn’t believe?
– 2 Corinthians 6:14,15
When I first married my husband he genuinely believed in God and that was one of my favorite things about him. But I will tell you that at 22 years old he wasn’t quite as passionate about faith as I was. And that was fine. As time passed and we experienced more of life, he eventually became the spiritual foundation of our home. He simply matured in faith a little later than I did.
Here’s the deal. Your guy doesn’t have to be mature in his faith – but he does need to be serious about it. If you want to have a successful relationship, you are going to need God to be a part of it. I can’t tell you how comforting it is to know that my husband seeks to honor God in everything that he does. I have never had to worry about him or wonder what he is doing. Not for five minutes.
It is important that your guy is willing to dig in and seek the Lord right alongside you. He might not be as passionate and he might be more quiet about it and that’s ok. But if he isn’t interested in going to church or learning the things written in the Bible – you would have to answer question #1 with a no – and then this guy is a no-go.
Question #2 – Do you love him?
Let me clarify something about that question. Make sure you are answering this question correctly. I did not ask the question – Does he love you? Nope. The question I am asking is…do you love him?
I cannot tell you how many times I have seen a girl fall in love with the way he loves her. If you are in love with the way he loves you…rather than the way that you love him…you are headed for trouble. Am I making sense?
Life is hard…and you are going to need to love him. You are going need to still love him when you are so mad you can’t see straight. You are going need to love him even when you are tired and worn out. You are going to need to love him when you get into a rut. You are going to need to love him when the finances are tight. You are going to need to love him when he is struggling. You are going to need to love him when the babies have depleted you of any emotion at all. You are going to need to love him when tragedy comes.
It just won’t cut it if he is the only one who is in love. Oh, he needs to be in love with you too…but the feelings must be mutual. In order to give a solid yes to question #2 – you need to love him so much that 35 years from now you would choose him all over again.
Question #3 – Does he make you happy?
Take a minute before you answer this question. It’s not as easy as it might seem. You can love someone who actually makes you miserable. So, ask yourself – does he make you happy? Does he make you laugh? Do you truly enjoy your time spent alone with him? Does he believe in you? Encourage you? Make you feel loved? Make you a better person? Can you share your heart with him? Do you talk easily? Is he your best friend? Is he considerate? Are you confident in the relationship? Can you trust his character? Does he truly make you happy?
If you are knocking yourself out trying to make him happy to have you – that would be a solid no to question #3.
That’s it! Three questions. Only you can decide what you want for your future. If you are trying too hard to turn any or all of these questions into a yes – stop trying and trust God. God has prepared up a young man for you and you don’t want to miss him.
Please wait – wait until you can say yes!
Once again. The right words at the right time. Just not starting to dip my toes into the “dating” scene after a 28 year hiatus, it is very scary. I do not want to do dating site. I do not want to do bar scenes. I do want someone that- in the small amount of time I have to myself- after my commitments to family members, work and school ( yes I am a 51 yr old college student)- I want someone that as you said I am comfortable with, someone who fills me back up, someone who I enjoy just sitting next to. And the biggest part that hit me– do I still love him when I would rather not–oh that answer is– when he is struggling I actually love him more, cause at that moment I feel that is what he has to have cause he is not loving himself at all, and so I pray as I love this struggling man- that my Love and Gods love will give him the strength to find his own Love for self again.
And today– he took me to “his” church for the second week in a row. God is Good all the Time, and all the Time, God is Good…
Love and romance is complicated…especially when family is involved. But if you are firm with your principles it will narrow down the possibilities. When two people love each other and love God they build each other up and learn to love themselves better. The more you hold to the answer to your “questions”, the more you send the message that you trust God to lead you to the right person. If he takes the lead and takes you to his church…that is a very good sign. I will praying for you, Marie.