Last week I was diagnosed with Invasive Lobular Breast cancer. It is a cup I prayed I would not have to drink. But my prayer was not answered the way I wanted it to be.
I do not yet know what my journey is going to look like. What I DO know is that I have a 9 centimeter mass and it is a low grade, slow growing cancer. It is a sneaky creepy kind of cancer which is hard to find and praise God they found it. My kind of cancer looks more like tentacles and it is rarely detected by finding a lump. In my case, I was alerted because my breast was a bit misshapen and it hurt.
My cancer also responds to an estrogen blocker which will help to keep it at bay after I beat the cancer. I know that I will be having a mastectomy but I don’t know if that will mean one of my breasts or two.
What I DON’T yet know is whether or not the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes or further. There are 2 or 3 suspicious lymph nodes. Please pray that there would be NO MORE CANCER.
”My cancer”. I cannot believe I am writing those words. A week ago today I got the dreaded phone call and since that day I have been clinging to the Lord with desperation. I feel very much like Peter in the story found in Matthew 14:24-33.
Most of you are familiar with this story. Jesus’ disciples were in a ship at sea when they suddenly found themselves in the middle of a storm and they were scared to death. Around 4:00 in the morning they saw a figure walking on water which made them even more afraid. But then they realized it was Jesus.
Then Peter – brave, impulsive, feisty, courageous and somewhat crazy – climbs out of the boat and walks on the water towards Jesus.
“But when he saw the wind he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, Lord save me.”
As long as Peter looked at Jesus he could walk on water. But when he looked at the storm – he sunk.
I am just like Peter. When I look at cancer – I sink. What if it has spread? If I have chemo will I be able to be with my grandkids? Will I lose my hair? How badly does a mastectomy hurt? How am I going to endure this?
But when I look at Jesus, I can walk on water.
”Make agreement to simply let God be God. Let Him be the absolute sovereign God.”
For over 40 years I have enjoyed my morning cup of coffee with the Lord. That same guy who is my “friend” just happens to be the Great Physician and He specializes in healing. I have nothing to fear. The Lord has allowed me to walk into this storm and He will be my Savior in it.
Just as He showed up for the disciples in the middle of the storm, He has already shown up for me. I have experienced full-out miracles and enough encouragement, strength, and comfort so that I am able to walk.
Jesus allowed the disciples to struggle so that they would be strengthened in their faith. He is allowing the same in my life. I am not completely surprised at this trial. Over and over the Bible tells us we are to expect trials. Our faith is developed through the storms.
And I am telling you…my morning coffee time has turned into breakfast, lunch, and dinner and in-between times and the conversation has been ramped up quite a few notches. We are having some pretty amazing conversations and I am learning more about the mysteries of His ways.
One of the ways God has kept me from sinking is through many of you. I have not always been able to respond, but I want you to know that each and every morning I go over the beautiful thoughts, scriptures, memes, worship songs, and powerful quotes that you send. I ponder over them until I am lifted above the storm.
You wouldn’t believe how many times I have started to sink and I get a simple text saying, “Still praying for you. I love you” – and it literally lifts me up out of the storm. My daughter gave me a blessing book and I record many of these thoughts in it. It helps me to look at Jesus instead of the storm. Thank you all and please keep em’ coming!
I am going to be blogging my way through this journey for my own personal therapy and to keep you informed. If there are times when I am unable to blog, my daughter Taylor (Tay for short) will step in for me.
In the first 24 hours of my journey the Lord gave me the same verse four different times through four different people. I believe this is my cancer verse. I have memorized it and have repeated it over and over so that I may stay above the storm.
I believe these words…Lord, help mine unbelief.
Hi Jackie,
Thanks for sharing. I was also diagnosed with non small call carcinoma in my lower left lung in June. On July 8th they removed 2/3 of my lower left lobe in my lung and 3 days later the results of lymph node involvement came back negative. I was truly blessed and although cancer is now part of my personal struggle I can gain help and understanding from the Lord and my family and friends. It’s terrifying. Many days are harder than others. All any of us really have is today. I am thinking and praying for your recovery and journey. I have many good memories of Kindergarten, 1st and 2nd grade together. And eating peanut butter sandwiches at your house while you taught me how to shuffle cards! I’m here if you ever want to talk.
Liz
Oh, Liz. I did not realize that. Although I am so sad to hear about your journey, it is encouraging to know you walked the path and you DID it. I have good memories of you also, it kind of bugged me because even though I was a pretty great card shuffler – you always won the game!! Thanks for sharing…it is very helpful to me. 🙂
Jackie,
First, know that you may add my prayers for strength and knowledge through this trial/tribulation. What an Amazingly brave and insightful woman to be able to share your journey with others. God definitely has a plan for you. God Bless and know that you are not alone by any means.
Oh my gosh, Marie. You just lifted me up. I pray I will be worthy to walk this path…I desperately need the prayers of people like you. Thank you!
Jack,
Christians father day is breaking, come Christians lead the way!!
You will beat this!!!! I will be praying for you while you are on this journey. You will not be afraid….., you will look upward….. and travel onward, and not be afraid. 🎼
Thanks, Beth. I have thought of that song many times…and then…Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord…and Glory, Glory, Hallelujah!
Jackie, I’m so sorry to hear. Know my prayers are with you too. We do become stronger from our trials. I don’t have the answers but my girlfriend who beat cancer found a lot of support by finding a ‘community’ to check in with. Hang in there and know you have many people who love and support you. ♥️ Julie
Thanks, JP! My girlfriend had cancer many years ago and started a Christian support group for women with cancer so I am all in with that! JK said she will come with me!
Jackie,
Do sorry to hear what you are going through. Sending prayers and good thoughts your way.
Thanks, Darcy!
Jackie, very sorry to hear the. news but your faith and strength will see you through. Your article was poignant, strong and spirit driven which gave me a big boost and wake up call to reconnect on a deeper level with our Lord.
No doubt you will win this battle and your journal will affect many. It has to me. Daily life – especially in these times- has a numbing affect on our spirituality and communion with God. No longer for me. Thank you for waking me up. Stay strong and resolved. I’m with you on the journey. Give my best to Amos.
Oh, Shows…thank you so much. Man – you have a gift of writing – maybe you should consider being a blogger!! 🙂 It’s been 9 days of waiting for my entire diagnosis. I have heard so many victory stories about breast cancer that give me great hope. At times like these we feel particularly blessed for our family and for friends like you. Your note gave me an extra shot of courage. Thank you for that. Please say “hi” to Junell!