Last week I was diagnosed with Invasive Lobular Breast cancer. It is a cup I prayed I would not have to drink. But my prayer was not answered the way I wanted it to be.
I do not yet know what my journey is going to look like. What I DO know is that I have a 9 centimeter mass and it is a low grade, slow growing cancer. It is a sneaky creepy kind of cancer which is hard to find and praise God they found it. My kind of cancer looks more like tentacles and it is rarely detected by finding a lump. In my case, I was alerted because my breast was a bit misshapen and it hurt.
My cancer also responds to an estrogen blocker which will help to keep it at bay after I beat the cancer. I know that I will be having a mastectomy but I don’t know if that will mean one of my breasts or two.
What I DON’T yet know is whether or not the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes or further. There are 2 or 3 suspicious lymph nodes. Please pray that there would be NO MORE CANCER.
”My cancer”. I cannot believe I am writing those words. A week ago today I got the dreaded phone call and since that day I have been clinging to the Lord with desperation. I feel very much like Peter in the story found in Matthew 14:24-33.
Most of you are familiar with this story. Jesus’ disciples were in a ship at sea when they suddenly found themselves in the middle of a storm and they were scared to death. Around 4:00 in the morning they saw a figure walking on water which made them even more afraid. But then they realized it was Jesus.
Then Peter – brave, impulsive, feisty, courageous and somewhat crazy – climbs out of the boat and walks on the water towards Jesus.
“But when he saw the wind he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, Lord save me.”
As long as Peter looked at Jesus he could walk on water. But when he looked at the storm – he sunk.
I am just like Peter. When I look at cancer – I sink. What if it has spread? If I have chemo will I be able to be with my grandkids? Will I lose my hair? How badly does a mastectomy hurt? How am I going to endure this?
But when I look at Jesus, I can walk on water.
”Make agreement to simply let God be God. Let Him be the absolute sovereign God.”
For over 40 years I have enjoyed my morning cup of coffee with the Lord. That same guy who is my “friend” just happens to be the Great Physician and He specializes in healing. I have nothing to fear. The Lord has allowed me to walk into this storm and He will be my Savior in it.
Just as He showed up for the disciples in the middle of the storm, He has already shown up for me. I have experienced full-out miracles and enough encouragement, strength, and comfort so that I am able to walk.
Jesus allowed the disciples to struggle so that they would be strengthened in their faith. He is allowing the same in my life. I am not completely surprised at this trial. Over and over the Bible tells us we are to expect trials. Our faith is developed through the storms.
And I am telling you…my morning coffee time has turned into breakfast, lunch, and dinner and in-between times and the conversation has been ramped up quite a few notches. We are having some pretty amazing conversations and I am learning more about the mysteries of His ways.
One of the ways God has kept me from sinking is through many of you. I have not always been able to respond, but I want you to know that each and every morning I go over the beautiful thoughts, scriptures, memes, worship songs, and powerful quotes that you send. I ponder over them until I am lifted above the storm.
You wouldn’t believe how many times I have started to sink and I get a simple text saying, “Still praying for you. I love you” – and it literally lifts me up out of the storm. My daughter gave me a blessing book and I record many of these thoughts in it. It helps me to look at Jesus instead of the storm. Thank you all and please keep em’ coming!
I am going to be blogging my way through this journey for my own personal therapy and to keep you informed. If there are times when I am unable to blog, my daughter Taylor (Tay for short) will step in for me.
In the first 24 hours of my journey the Lord gave me the same verse four different times through four different people. I believe this is my cancer verse. I have memorized it and have repeated it over and over so that I may stay above the storm.
I believe these words…Lord, help mine unbelief.
Until next time,