Today was my diagnosis day and it felt more like D-day to me. It was torturous. Wait…wait some more…and more waiting. So the impatient patient decided to make a call. Yep! These people are going to want me to hurry up and get well so they don’t have to deal with me!
Two months ago if someone had said to me …
“On July 25th you are going to be diagnosed with breast cancer”, I would have told them, “Oh, no. That is wrong. You see…nobody in my family has any kind of cancer.”
And if someone had said to me…
”You are going to have to go through a lot of procedures in the hospital”, I would have said to them, “Well, I can’t do that. I know that for sure.”
And if they went on to say…
”You will for sure have a mastectomy – possibly a double – and you might also have chemo and lose your hair”, I would have said to them, “Ahhhh… oh please, please no. I think that would be like going through a long dark tunnel….I would be so afraid…”
But today I say to you…
I am praising God that the breast cancer has not spread!!!!!! I’m praising God for JUST breast cancer!!!
I would not ever have imagined it would be possible to say such words.
Before they returned my impatient call, it was raining and thundering outside and I went to that dark place in my head thinking maybe God was foreshadowing what my diagnosis was going to be. (See – I’m crazy – that’s where I go…)
The diagnosis is not final, but it’s close enough for me. My new friend, Jeanne the nurse manager, went down the list – Ovaries – clear. Lungs – clear. Colon – clear. Bones – clear. There is no spread to other organs.
There are 5 lymph nodes still in question but oh well, and la-di-da. At this point I am in a fight against breast cancer – but I am not in a fight for my life. And I will FIGHT.
Friday I get my treatment plan so then I will finally get to work.
Over the past two weeks I have been blown away by the community of faith. I am not kidding. I have so many prayer warriors in my life and these are the kind of people who, when it comes to prayer, they roll up their sleeves and storm the gates of heaven. They pray tirelessly. (One friend of mine used that word and I loved it.) They are earnest and they are relentless.
Not only do these people pray – they gather up their fellow prayer warriors and suddenly I have people praying for me who I have never met in my life. That’s how the community faith is – we are family – even if we have never met. It’s absolutely beautiful and inspires me to pray with that kind of fervency .
”Pay in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.” – Ephesians 6:18
And I imagined God and His heavenly angels almost chuckling saying “Whoa! Here’s another one praying for Jackie. And another…and another..and another…Wow. This is one pushy bunch!”
From the bottom of my heart, I thank you.
Today, right after I was telling my family the good news, we looked out the window and the sun was shining right through the dark clouds with bold and brilliant rays of light shining across the backyard.
And it seemed to me that God was saying to me, “See? I have been here all along. Right behind the clouds I have been here…even when you could not see me.”
I will keep you updated regarding my staging and treatments and I am challenging myself to blog all the way through this journey and keep at it long after the beast has been conquered. 🙂Until next time,