Early this week I was talking to Eric (my husband) saying that when it comes to praying for someone else’s life I can easily pray for miracles. But when it comes to the hard facts of my diagnosis I tend to be a bit of a realist. (Please note the word – realist.)
We talked about the fine line of praying for miracles while at the same time being willing to say – Thy will be done. Last time I was diagnosed with cancer I rarely prayed that the Lord would heal my cancer. I mostly prayed that I would be able to walk out His call on my life.
But I wondered if I wasn’t missing an aspect of prayer and God’s power.
I KNOW that God performs miracles and I could write a number of blogs about bold face miracles that He has performed on my behalf and in the lives of dozens of people I know. At the same time…I have lived long enough to know that sometimes God doesn’t answer prayers the way we would like and it is because there is something else He wanted to accomplish another way.
Eric and I talked about these things a long time and I approached the Lord as to what He might reveal to me about this conundrum.
OK, this is the part that is really cool to me. These are the kinds of things that God does when I ask Him to reveal His truths to me. The night after Eric and I had our conversation (and also the night before my Petscan) I spoke with a gal who has also has been diagnosed with metastatic cancer. She is still living 10 years past her “expected survival rate”. (So much for the hard facts of a diagnosis.)
She said that 10 years ago when she got her grim diagnosis, the doctor at the Mayo Clinic said to her – You have two choices before you. You can be a realist (yep, the very word I had just used with my husband) or you can choose to have faith in God and hope in what He is able to do.
OK, whoa. Through this woman, God spoke to my conundrum.God is not bound by a medical diagnosis. He is much bigger than that. And she even said the word – realist. That’s just so amazing to me.
After I talked to this woman I looked at the story about King Hezekiah found in Isaiah 38:16-20. To give you some background, Hezekiah was the king of Judah and was sick and knew he was going to die. He asked God for 15 more years and God said yes. Hmmmm…. I read this very closely to see if God had something more to say to me.
“Oh Lord, by these things men live And in all these is the life of my spirit. O heal me, and let me live! See it was for my own well-being that I was in anguish. But you have kept my soul from the grave that destroys. You have put all my sins behind Your back. The place of the dead cannot thank You. Death cannot praise You. Those who go down to the grave cannot hope that You will be faithful. It is the living who give thanks to You, as I do today. A father tells his children about how faithful You are. The Lord will save me. And we will sing my songs with harps all the days of our life in the house of the Lord.”
This was pretty powerful to me and this is what I came to. For the first time since my diagnosis I pleaded that the Lord would give me many more years…and I promised that I would sing His praises all the days of my life. And IF God showed me that this is my journey home… I would then say to Him – Thy will be done. And I would sing His praises every day with the days that I was given.
BUT – from this passage it seemed the Lord had given me a nudge to believe on His miracles.
The following morning (Thursday) I had my Petscan and was told that I would get the results sometime on Monday which I knew might also mean sometime on Tuesday. It’s just the way it goes with this business of cancer.
Friday morning I was sitting with the Lord when the phone rang and I saw my doctor’s name on the caller ID. Ok, this doesn’t happen. I knew it was his day off and my heart sank. He has never called me from home and surely this was not going to be good news. I pulled out my pen and paper to take notes as I received the details of my scan.
His first words to me were this. “Jackie, I just reviewed the results of your scan and I am incredibly encouraged “.
He went on to say that in the world of medicine when a patient has cancerous fluid around their lungs and abdomen this is evidence that there is cancer in these places. (This concurred with every doctor – every step of the way – saying I had malignant cancer In at least two places.)
He went on to say this (oh, man I am dancing the cha-cha-cha as I type) Yet, there is no cancer anywhere in your body – not in the lungs – the ovaries – breast – the uterus – the liver – the bones – or in the lymph nodes. It did not show up in any of the places we anticipated. The ONLY place you have cancer cells is in your fluid. This is highly unusual and I don’t quite know what to attribute it to.
He went on to say, “This might be lobular cancer presenting itself a little different? But I don’t know that. And it might also simply be answered prayer.”
I was told by no less than six different doctors that I have malignant cancer in at least two different areas…and now I am told there is no cancer in my body? Dr. T acknowledged that the results of my Petscan do not make sense. These are the kinds of things that happen when dozens of prayer warriors hit the throne of God with their requests.
I must have been so annoying to him literally crying and screeching, “Oh, Dr T! Oh my gosh, Dr T!!!” He laughed and said, “yes, this is pretty amazing.”
Treatment starts next week and he said once that takes affect the fluid should resorb and not come back anymore; that I would get my energy back and be living MY BEST LIFE. (More annoying screeching from me – are you kidding meeeeee???? )
He laughed again and said he wanted to call so that I would receive the good news and be able to enjoy my weekend.
When I hung up the phone I bawled and bawled. Mostly in gratefulness to God. This time He blessed me with a miracle.
I know that God would have been with me if I had received hard news. He has been with me all the days of my life and He will never ever leave me. But this time – God gave me the miracle. I really, really love being a recipient of His miracles.
I told the Lord with whatever days I have left I would sing His praises. Oh, I am not only singing but I am dancing. I am also going to keep blogging. I love wrestling faith with you and with God. I love going deeper and learning of His mysteries.
So that is my story. And I am telling you – NO MORE REALISTIC FOR ME. God doesn’t fall into realistic or the “facts”. He will not be bound by a medical diagnosis. He is supernatural. He sits on the throne and He is sovereign. He is all-powerful and all-knowing and He loves us more than we could ever possibly imagine.
We can chose to be a realist – or we can choose to step out in faith and believe on HIM. It’s up to us.
I choose faith.
Until next time,